“In my lifetime I have been through hundreds of new moons, with scarcely any attention paid to them on my part barring the occasional instance when I was instructed by family elders not to undertake any new project during that time. The tradition followed was to wait for the waxing moon that followed the new moon day. This year was special. Guru Karunamaya sent a short and succinct message on the importance of sadhana on Maha Shivarathri, the darkest new moon of the year, a message which had a very practical import on a strong foundation of spirituality. The instruction was fairly straightforward and could be followed even by a novice such as myself. There was something about Guruji’s message that resonated deeply and it was one that made me want to follow with the greatest devotion and surrender. For this sadhana one needed a Shiva Lingam, 3 bilva leaves and one’s devotion. In this respect, Lord Shiva is an easy God to please. A Lingam, three leaves and some holy water were well within my reach. A vital piece of the worship on this day was listening to or chanting the Rudram, a Vedic hymn to Lord Shiva which I had never previously heard. I proceeded to listen to it on YouTube. Just as I was getting into the flow, a fast-paced rhythmic chant that would leave all but the most experienced breathless if one were to audibly chant, ads popped up and took me from the spiritual ladder to a material one. Using YouTube was quickly ruled out for me. With just hours to go, I had no realistic chance of chanting it. The preferred rendition that Guruji prescribed is by Hari Achyutha Rama Sastry, who sadly has passed on. I stumbled on a recording that I download. But he lives on in my heart through his chants that so uplifted me and inspired me on Shivarathri. After listening to it just once, one would realise why. The chanting was at a very high cadence, seemed almost impossible that anyone could do it and yet enunciate every word clearly. ”
“I did not have a Shiva Lingam that I had previously worshipped. So I proceeded to look for a suitable alternative in a rock garden that we have in our home. I found a perfectly shaped rock, perhaps smoothed and shaped into an oblong rock form over years on a riverbed somewhere. Perhaps it had rough edges that may have been razor sharp at one time. I wished to offer up my own mind for similar treatment in the sadhana I was about to commence. Thinking in my mind that all rivers are related to Mother Ganges, I picked up the rock which had a greenish-yellow hue. Given its shape, it would not stand upright in a bowl I had picked out as the base or the yoni. I asked my children if I could use some of their “Play-Doh”, a non-toxic putty that kids use to create various shapes. They picked out their favourite colour and I installed the Lingam. Indirectly they got involved in the sadhana I was about to begin. Seeing an unusual use for their play putty, they were intrigued. They asked me what I was doing and when I explained what I was up to, I got a lot of “oohs and aahs” from them. A seed was planted. Perhaps when they are older, that would hopefully trigger something in them and get them on a spiritual path, on which I found a “home”. For the leaves, I picked three from a fern tree that we grow in a planter in which some of our pet tortoises live. That plant is a favourite food for them and I figured, as the Lord is both in the plant and the tortoise, divine purity would be there.”
“Eleven cycles of the Rudram was the sadhana. I started in earnest at 6 pm, not knowing how long it would take. I was supposed to finish the sadhana at midnight. After the first few cycles, my body started to experience stillness rather effortlessly. I had not had any formal instruction on how to do an abhishekam to the Lingam. I did it in my own way which was to chant Om Namah Shivaya 16 times. My voice took a life of its own during that, building up to a crescendo and was so full and loud that my whole body vibrated with that mantra. After a few more cycles, I felt as if my body had turned into a Shiva Lingam. The head, neck and trunk felt like the Lingam and the legs and pelvis were like the yoni. My eyes, nose and mouth became the three horizontal stripes. This stillness came and went, each time it did, my awareness of everything was intact. In between, I would gaze at the lamp I had lit. The flame which resembled the shape of a Lingam was seen within when I closed my eyes. It felt as if I was looking out through the Lingam at the world. Close to midnight, I felt pressure at the back of my head where it joins the neck. Along with that, there was a sensation of something opening up in the middle of my forehead. Just as one would open a bag by pulling on the two edges that are brought together, the feeling was replicated in my forehead and inside was emptiness. That brought a feeling of great bliss within. And finally, the 11th round of chanting ended just around midnight. The sadhana was complete. It felt like something of the old was removed and there was a freshness in my being. Just like the children’s play putty that could be moulded into any shape, this new being within appeared ready to be shaped.” One little milestone in a journey with no end. With deep gratitude to Guruji for giving us this sadhana.